TL;DR... When meditating, simply sigh when the thought pops up. Same for if you feel self-conscious. Then continue meditating. Don’t buy into the boredom feeling. It doesn’t have a significance.
Have you ever thought, “why am I doing this?”
Regarding a job? Or a movie you don’t like?
How about while meditating? <gasp!>
I’ve certainly had the “why am I doing this?” thought pop up. But guess what? There’s no shame in admitting it because I’m convinced that it occurs to everyone.
So we better talk about this, because it’s not what it seems. It’s a peace killer ☮🗡
The (invisible) cookie trap
When that little thought pops up and you feel a boredom, it’s not like you’re having some sudden, profound realization that you’ve compromised your values.
No. In your heart of hearts, you know that meditation is good for you, that you need it to stay peaceful, light, and purposeful.
This intuition is correct. This thought-feeling is not what it seems. It’s a mirage. Which we’ll get to in a bit.
What’s difficult to realize at the moment you’re thinking, “why am I doing this?”, is that on the other side, there’s a tremendous freedom.
It’s like there’s a mousetrap between you and your most favorite, delicious, (invisible) cookie.
But you don’t ignore the mousetrap.
Strangely, you fixate on the mousetrap instead of the (invisible) cookie, putting your hand right there and the trap goes snap!
That’s the hopeless boredom feeling after the “why am I doing this?” thought.
By focusing on it, it becomes magnified. A feeling of unease grows, and instead of expansion, you feel trapped in a narrowing box.
But none of that is real. It’s all a master illusion by the most powerful master storyteller, the mind 🧙♂
Disarming the trap
That’s okay, you don’t run away from the thought, you don’t push it away.
Instead, you acknowledge it... and melt underneath it.
It’s like you’re a superhero and your special ability in the face of the most boring adversary in the universe is to melt into an ultra-relaxed puddle. The adversary scratches its head and then goes off to another planet. It’s like you’re the “joke superhero” in the pantheon on heroes, but in reality, the joke’s on everyone else, because you don’t have to break a sweat.
In other words, in the moment the “why am I doing this?” thought appears, you stop meditating.
That’s right. You step back from meditating to consciously relax your body even more—briefly noticing any tension you’re holding in your eyes, shoulders, arms, legs.
You take a breath and simply sigh, letting all tension melt off of your bones, relaxing deeper still.
It even feels good!
The previously alarming “why am I doing this?” thought falls away with the dissolving tension.
It’s almost as if the despairing thought was just a reflection for a part of yourself that you didn’t realize was tensing up.
And curiously, as you return to meditation, it gets deeper and feels more expansive. That’s the “tremendous freedom” part of the cookie scenario alluded to above.
So there’s no shame in admitting that this thought crosses your mind. Just sigh, reach for the (invisible) cookie instead 🍪 ...and melt.